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Article #153: Can your Marriage Grow without Change?

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People find change such a difficult thing he was the one in charge. Not my parents
to do. Many insist that they are or older relatives. I remember one of
creatures of habit. But not all habit is them remarking on my wedding day, "Are
good. And some habits need to be adjusted you already treating Chuka as the one in
or new ones formed. People who don't want charge?" I replied, "He's my husband,
to change use the very common argument, isn't he?" And he was, even though we
"That's the way I am." had just been married a few minutes
One should recognise when he needs to before, I knew that the situation had
make changes in himself and his actions changed and I had to adjust to it.
and then begin to take the necessary Some people can see that you're changing
steps towards those change. All of us because you're married now and may resist
need to change because in life, there is it. They want you to be the same way you
no growth without it. always were. They may even tell you
It's not always pleasant. History is full beforehand, "I hope marriage won't change
of mankind's struggle against change. But you." And you might unwisely remark,
you can't make progress without it. At "Don't worry, it won't." Well it should.
one time in my life, I found it hard to You're no longer single, but married.
change. I liked doing things the way I That's a change in itself.
had always done them. I was comfortable You know how they say that you can't fit
with the way I was. But from the time I a round peg in a square hole, or
came to know Jesus and began to expose vice-versa? Well you can't fit a single
myself to inspirational teaching, I found person into a marriage hole. So look out
myself changing and it wasn't as for your single or divorced friends who
difficult as I thought. Several years ago will try to manipulate you into staying
in the mid-nineties, I heard Chris the same. I had a friend who kept on
Oyakhilome say, telling me, "you've really changed,
"If you want to grow, be quick to you've really changed." And I felt bad
change." about it for a while because our very
I took that to heart and began to close relationship wasn't the way it was
practice this in my life because I wanted before and I knew that she wasn't happy
to grow, I wanted to improve. Do you? Do about it. Then I had an epiphany. When
you want your marriage to grow and she made the same remark again to me one
improve? Then you need to be ready to day, I said, "Yes I have changed, I'm
make changes. Some of them might be married." We are still close friends. But
difficult, some might be easy, but the our relationship isn't exactly the way it
results will always be beneficial. was before because a new situation
Remember what we said about people saying requires new responsibilities, new
that they are creatures of habit? Well accountabilities, and new habits.
for those who want to be happy in How does change start? It starts with the
marriage and ensure that they don't make mind. There can be no permanent positive
life miserable for their spouses, they change in your marriage or life without a
may need to start forming new habits or change or adjustment in the way you think
be ready to adjust to a new way of doing or see things. Are you ready? Can you do
things because like it or not, marriage it?
is a different situation from the single King Solomon says, "As a man thinks in
life. Add children to the mix, and it heart so is he."
means that you need to make a whole lot Why does it start with the mind? Because
more adjustments. Don't be too rigid. The we are pulled in the direction of our
way you are may have worked for you while thoughts. Our lives are a reflection of
you were by yourself, but now that you're the way we think. Our thoughts are shaped
with someone else, things have to be by the environment we grew up in, the
different. friends we have, the people we listen to
Because I had learnt this at a younger (books and the media), and the things
age, I made some effort to adjust to my that we give attention to. So don't
new situation as a wife. My family was resist change, find resources that will
surprised when from a few minutes after help you make positive changes in the way
the "I dos" I started responding to my you think. It will move your relationship
young husband as the one whom I should forward in the right direction.
listen to. He was now my husband and so






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