Can your Marriage Grow without Change?

People find change such a difficult thing to do. Manynow my husband and so he was the one in charge.
insist that they are creatures of habit. But not all habit isNot my parents or older relatives. I remember one of
good. And some habits need to be adjusted or newthem remarking on my wedding day, "Are you already
ones formed. People who don't want to change usetreating Chuka as the one in charge?" I replied, "He's
the very common argument,my husband, isn't he?" And he was, even though we
"That's the way I am."had just been married a few minutes before, I knew
One should recognise when he needs to makethat the situation had changed and I had to adjust to it.
changes in himself and his actions and then begin toSome people can see that you're changing because
take the necessary steps towards those change. Allyou're married now and may resist it. They want you
of us need to change because in life, there is noto be the same way you always were. They may
growth without it.even tell you beforehand, "I hope marriage won't
It's not always pleasant. History is full of mankind'schange you." And you might unwisely remark, "Don't
struggle against change. But you can't make progressworry, it won't." Well it should. You're no longer single,
without it. At one time in my life, I found it hard tobut married. That's a change in itself.
change. I liked doing things the way I had always doneYou know how they say that you can't fit a round peg
them. I was comfortable with the way I was. But fromin a square hole, or vice-versa? Well you can't fit a
the time I came to know Jesus and began to exposesingle person into a marriage hole. So look out for your
myself to inspirational teaching, I found myself changingsingle or divorced friends who will try to manipulate
and it wasn't as difficult as I thought. Several yearsyou into staying the same. I had a friend who kept on
ago in the mid-nineties, I heard Chris Oyakhilome say,telling me, "you've really changed, you've really
"If you want to grow, be quick to change."changed." And I felt bad about it for a while because
I took that to heart and began to practice this in my lifeour very close relationship wasn't the way it was
because I wanted to grow, I wanted to improve. Dobefore and I knew that she wasn't happy about it.
you? Do you want your marriage to grow andThen I had an epiphany. When she made the same
improve? Then you need to be ready to makeremark again to me one day, I said, "Yes I have
changes. Some of them might be difficult, some mightchanged, I'm married." We are still close friends. But our
be easy, but the results will always be beneficial.relationship isn't exactly the way it was before
Remember what we said about people saying thatbecause a new situation requires new responsibilities,
they are creatures of habit? Well for those who wantnew accountabilities, and new habits.
to be happy in marriage and ensure that they don'tHow does change start? It starts with the mind. There
make life miserable for their spouses, they may needcan be no permanent positive change in your marriage
to start forming new habits or be ready to adjust to aor life without a change or adjustment in the way you
new way of doing things because like it or not,think or see things. Are you ready? Can you do it?
marriage is a different situation from the single life. AddKing Solomon says, "As a man thinks in heart so is he."
children to the mix, and it means that you need toWhy does it start with the mind? Because we are
make a whole lot more adjustments. Don't be too rigid.pulled in the direction of our thoughts. Our lives are a
The way you are may have worked for you whilereflection of the way we think. Our thoughts are
you were by yourself, but now that you're withshaped by the environment we grew up in, the friends
someone else, things have to be different.we have, the people we listen to (books and the
Because I had learnt this at a younger age, I mademedia), and the things that we give attention to. So
some effort to adjust to my new situation as a wife.don't resist change, find resources that will help you
My family was surprised when from a few minutesmake positive changes in the way you think. It will
after the "I dos" I started responding to my youngmove your relationship forward in the right direction.
husband as the one whom I should listen to. He was