| People find change such a difficult thing to do. Many | | | | my parents or older relatives. I remember one of them |
| insist that they are creatures of habit. But not all habit is | | | | remarking on my wedding day when I responded in |
| good. And some habits need to be adjusted or new | | | | the negative to an action they wanted me to take, |
| ones formed. People who don't want to change use | | | | "Are you already treating Chuka as the one you listen |
| the very common argument, | | | | to?" I replied, "He's my husband, isn't he?" And he was, |
| "That's the way I am." | | | | even though we had just been married a few minutes |
| Only a man of strength can recognise when he needs | | | | before, I knew that the situation had changed and I had |
| to make changes in himself and his actions and then | | | | to adjust to it. |
| begin to take the necessary steps towards those | | | | Some people can see that you're changing because |
| change. All of us need to change because in life, there | | | | you're married now and may resist it. They want you |
| is no growth without change. | | | | to be the same way you always were. They may |
| Change is not always pleasant. History is full of | | | | even tell you beforehand, "I hope marriage won't |
| mankind's struggle against change. But you can't make | | | | change you." And you might unwisely remark, "Don't |
| progress without it. At one time in my life, I found it | | | | worry, it won't." Well it should. You're no longer single, |
| hard to change. I liked doing things the way I had | | | | but married. That's a change in itself. |
| always done them. I was comfortable with the way I | | | | You know how they say that you can't fit a round peg |
| was. But from the time I came to know Jesus and | | | | in a square hole, or vice-versa? Well you can't fit a |
| began to expose myself to inspirational teaching, I | | | | single person into a marriage hole. So look out for your |
| found myself changing and it wasn't as difficult as I | | | | single or divorced friends who will try to manipulate |
| thought. Several years ago in the mid-nineties, I heard | | | | you into staying the same. I had a friend who kept on |
| Chris Oyakhilome say, | | | | telling me, "you've really changed, you've really |
| "If you want to grow, be quick to change." | | | | changed." And I felt bad about it for a while because |
| I took that to heart and began to practice this in my life | | | | our very close relationship wasn't the way it was |
| because I wanted to grow, I wanted to improve. Do | | | | before and I knew that she wasn't happy about it. |
| you? Do you want your marriage to grow and | | | | Then I had an epiphany. When she made the same |
| improve? Then you need to be ready to make | | | | remark again to me one day, I said, "Yes I have |
| changes. Some of them might be difficult, some might | | | | changed, I'm married." We are still close friends. But our |
| be easy, but the results will always be beneficial. | | | | relationship isn't exactly the way it was before |
| Remember what we said about people saying that | | | | because a new situation requires new responsibilities, |
| they are creatures of habit? Well for those who want | | | | new accountabilities, and new habits. |
| to be happy in marriage and ensure that they don't | | | | How does change start? It starts with the mind. There |
| make life miserable for their spouses, they may need | | | | can be no permanent positive change in your marriage |
| to start forming new habits or be ready to adjust to a | | | | or life without a change or adjustment in the way you |
| new way of doing things because like it or not, | | | | think or see things. Are you ready? Can you do it? |
| marriage is a different situation from the single life. Add | | | | As a man thinks in heart so is he. |
| children to the mix, and it means that you need to | | | | Why does it start with the mind? Because we are |
| make a whole lot more adjustments. Don't be too rigid. | | | | pulled in the direction of our thoughts. Our lives are a |
| The way you are may have worked for you while | | | | reflection of the way we think. Our thoughts are |
| you were by yourself, but now that you're with | | | | shaped by the environment we grew up in, the friends |
| someone else, things have to be different. | | | | we have, the people we listen to (books and the |
| Because I had learnt this at a younger age, I made | | | | media), and the things that we give attention to. So |
| some effort to adjust to my new situation as a wife. | | | | don't resist change, find resources that will help you |
| My family was surprised when from a few minutes | | | | make positive changes in the way you think. It will |
| after the "I dos" I started responding to my young | | | | move your relationship forward in the right direction. |
| husband as the one whom I should listen to and not | | | | |